Oohh spooky.

I’ve been dying for a scary point-and-click game, and decided to drop 30 whole shebangs on this magnificent gem of a game. Why not read the rest of my unbiased look into the scary world of this indie adventure title? I guarantee there will be little to no profanity, or anger of any kind!

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Fucking HONESTLY! This game is frightening, utterly terrifying!

The fact that I could buy this off of Steam, for 30 dollars is the first thing that comes to my mind, and will give me nightmares for days to come!

OK, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m so absolutely stunned at how much this game pisses me off that I’m having trouble getting started on what to rip from it’s ass first. So let’s begin with the interface. Last I checked, it’s about 7 years or so since I played Myst 3, which had a quasi 3D perspective, in which the backgrounds weren’t really more than a panoramic overlay.You could rotate the camera and click on things of interest.

This game has the same look, but without the ability to actually look around. You need to click on areas of the screen, WAIT, watch the camera slowly turn, face your new direction (such as looking UP), and then look around some more. Or sometimes the click will combine the movements of looking back up, and rotating at the same time. For example, in the 1st area I did just that and the game locked up. Sometimes you need to click on your cellphone light to illuminate a dark area; you won’t know to do this until you randomly and out of desperation, since you can’t use it unless the game decides it’s a good idea to see what’s in front of you.

Absolutely everything you do in this game is a complete pain in the ass. And I really am not exaggerating here. Looking, interacting, moving, the inventory, saving, loading, EVERYTHING pointing at you is an insult of your intelligence. Oh, you want to look at this painting again? Well, let’s watch the 15-second, panning cut scene again! Awesome! Be sure to look at your journal when you’re done looking at that painting, since it’ll trigger the cut scene a third time! YES!

You fucking better look really well at every angle after watching that cut scene for the 12th time, since the game’s only difficulty is deciding where your next item is randomly hidden in the opposite side of the present area, for no logical reason whatsoever. Want proof? Observe this photo I took:

Keep looking.

The cursor is on the right, and a newspaper is on the bottom. Do you see the item I need?

You can’t, since it’s NOT VISIBLE. Out of 40 screens at this point, and 5 different directions I need to look on each screen, it’s a coin that’s lodged in the recliner that I need to progress. Good thing they left me a clue that I should start looking in places where there is no visual indication that an item might be there.

While most point and click games (actually all of them) eventually run into points where you need to find or use a single item in a single spot, this game takes that eventuality and turns it into the entire game. You will literally be stuck at every point of this fuckfest, and almost entirely, it’s from bad design. What could be more ridiculous? Hmmm…

How about a minigame where I’m supposed to play a game with a phantom girl? It’s a creepy concept: She sits at the end of a hallway, and tells you to turn around. You have to turn around before she gets you, so you have to “LISTEN”. If you turn too early, you have to start over. If you turn too late, same deal. You’re stuck in this minigame until you figure out what the fuck you’re doing wrong, since I went ahead and assumed that I needed to “LISTEN”  to the footsteps, and turn around when they get louder.Of course, I was wrong; I had to turn at three specific intervals to trigger the resulting event, rather than, you know, THINK. All the while, this girl is scolding me with the same repeated lines for about 10 minutes.

How about the means of moving objects  in this game? Where I hold and drag the cursor in a direction while the object wiggles around? It’s not that annoying, except when it’s blocking doorways. Because to keep the continuity of each static screen, you need to move these objects every time you need to pass through the area again. HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR CHARACTER SAYS THE SAME THING EVERY TIME YOU’RE DOING IT?! Fuck I love this game!

I suppose it does make sense, if you struggle to move a 30 pound shingle off a doorway, just to replace it after you leave. Sorry, I just can’t get over that.

The game does make you jump, fairly often, but almost universally from lapses of boredom interrupted by cheap, “Ring”-style flashes of dead people. There are some creepy sound effects thrown in to increase the unease of the player, but really, I’m giving credit to the only thing these fucking pricks apparently worked on during development.

I guess it’s not technically as bad as Shutter Island, but honestly, that game sucked so bad that the game had to have known. This game is full of it’s own bullshit that it thinks it’s good, and I can’t allow that to fly. Not on my watch, motherfucker.

Hi Res: It’s like ramming 30 dollars up your own ass

Lo Res: It’s not really that great a game, honestly

Verdict: I could probably make a more entertaining game with my 4 hours of Flash experience

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