I’ll be fair. I can’t completely call this a review, since I didn’t finish the game. And as I personally know, with a few titles in history the game can sometimes redeem itself along the way. But when Trevelyan doesn’t see a FPS game all the way through, that’s not a good sign.

This one probably won’t do that. Hit the jump for a tirade of epic proportions, you’ll enjoy this one. … … …

Pretty. Shitty.

Look, this game really isn’t THAT bad, as many reviews will point out. The graphics are usually very immersible , with most of your HUD located on your person, rather than your screen. As you may know, the basic story of Metro is of a post-apocalyptic world that’s overrun with mutants, and your character is forced to navigate eerie tunnels and monsters jump out at you. Yeah, I simplified it, but that’s the idea of the game. Nothing else is original, other than the quality voice acting narrating it between levels.

The gameplay is the usual FPS schlock, with the added difficulty of inaccurate and weak weapons that take forever to reload. This is fine, since it fits the situation and adds tension when the evil beasts are lurking in the darkness. To increase your lamp power, you need to pull out your battery charger and literally pump it up, which is a unique game mechanic. The initial levels feature a lot of genuine scares from the scary-ass mutants jumping out at you, and the need to use your gas mask only adds to the sense of despair that the designers had in mind. So despite the tricky controls, and the fact that I get stuck on everything I see on-screen (occasionally permanently, so I have to restart), I was intrigued by the story, which is the meaty backbone of the game. Insert Nazis. Yeeeeeep. Nazis. Why the fuck not.

Seriously, I can’t wait anymore. Why does any decent effort on ANY 3rd or 1st person game have to fuck it all up by degrading the gameplay to mindless shooting of countless, stupid enemies that yell out “flank him!”? And while I’m on that tangent, why does every game engine with retarded human opponents have to make fun of itself by having them say “flank him”, when it’s impossible for them to do anything but aim and waddle around in weird patterns set by path nodes?  Why does Mega Man have you fight all 8 bosses again after killing them once already?

Because in both games, the game would end too soon if they didn’t. And it’s both tradition. So early on you’re killing bandits, and Nazis, since in a post-apocalyptic Moscow the Reich is apparently trying to take over the 40,000 people still alive in the continent. You’ll kill about the same number getting through one stage alone, and it’ll piss you off the whole time. Then the initial monsters that were scary aren’t  anymore, so they make them re-spawn  endlessly in some sections to make it scarier. It’s nothing new to games of this type, it’s an attempt to make a game maintain your interest with the same elements of previous stages, without adding anything NEW.

Like I said earlier, I told this game to stick it about 3/4 the way through, and only encountered 4 distinct enemies, which is simply unacceptable. Then you get the hang of the controls, so they throw in a bunch of instant-death traps all over the place, including one area where I told the game to fuck itself and returned it. Here’s the gist: The BROKEN ASS stealth element, where you need to keep your flashlight off, use a “silenced” weapon and not be directly seen, works great for one enemy in the hundred they throw at you. No matter what, when you kill a single enemy from any angle or any means, the rest of the enemies start freaking out, and spot you regardless of where you are. In this final, last straw I was entering a base full of Nazis, and the area is pitch black. The guy I talked to earlier warned me I should sneak through the proceeding area, and gives me a gun that is silenced. Sounds like I need to keep my flashlight off, right? No, you can’t spot the trip wire that triggers instant death then. Turn the light on to see it, and they spot you.

Seriously, this game is a broken mess of instant death, glitches and mindless Nazi shooting. If that’s your kind of game, go for it, I’ll fire up WaW if I want to do that.

Hi Res: The graphics are in fact, Hi Res.

Lo Res: Controls, Gameplay, Fun

Verdict: About as fun as an aneurysm.

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