"I'll own your smoker with my molly" hopefully won't be a well known phrase...

I’d thought hypocrisy was just popular during 2008, but lo-and-behold! I suggest strategies after making fun of people that know too much about this game! Bwah hah haa! I’m MLG!

Seriously, this game is a blast, but if you dive into it at the wrong time, your experience may not be so fun. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you might even get a cheap laugh or two.

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The first 3 tips apply to people that haven’t played this game yet, or are one of those folk that don’t understand why they get murdered consistently in this game:

1. Use your mic.

-Seriously, you NEED to use a microphone in this game. I’ve yet to see a mute (or partially) mute team beat one that are all communicating. You’ll also get booted less from lobbies before the game begins. People that talk want to play with people that talk, period. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you hit the main menu repeatedly from not investing in a 15 dollar mic.

2. Play through the campaigns first.

-The best way to play versus is to know way the around. The last thing you need when playing versus is to get confused on where to go. Each campaign, with the exception of each one’s first map, have a crescendo event. (krə-ˈshen-dō, or  “to know words that no one needs to know) Once you’ve learned each event individually you’ll learn counter-tactics and maybe even invent your own.

3. Find good-hearted players if you’re new.

-If you want to start a lobby of your own, simply select “play with friends”, select your desired mode, and switch the lobby from “friends only” to “public”. Now you’re in charge of the room, and can make sure the players you’re about to play with talk, and aren’t douchebags. Don’t be shy about booting players you don’t like, there are plenty more where they came from.

Now, for players that wish to improve their fun through competition:

30 More times...

4. Survivors: Work with your teammates.

-It sounds simple, but if you wander on your own for even a second at the wrong time, you and your team can be wiped out. Keeping close together is the key to surviving. If you think making a break for it will throw off the infected team, make sure you’re all in on it. More often than not, keeping close by, searching rooms TOGETHER for supplies will pay off far better than booking it through a map. It’s also wicked irritating to the other team to see people work together

5. Infected: Work with your teammates

-Redundant, eh? What if I told you that by listening to another player CALMLY explaining an excellent strategy on No Mercy’s 1st stage, we simply stayed by the subway entrance until the other team arrived, thinking they had an easy round. We wiped them out all on one life. This game has a wealth of great strategies if you play with people that are willing to work together, and outwit your opponents. That’s what makes this game so fun.

6. Infected: Wear-down vs. synchronized attack

-There’s definitely a balance between doing what I mentioned above, by waiting for the “right” moment to strike a team, and simply slamming the players a little bit at a time. The Hunter’s pounce by default inflicts a moderate amount of damage, slows the survivors down, wastes ammo, and opens up an opportunity for  the Boomer to waddle in and puke away. The Smoker pulling the last player in a solid line of survivors can majorly disrupt a team trying to make a quick break for the finish line.

-The Boomer’s best function is to blind and confuse players. If you spawn directly in front of a team and perform a quick puke, you’re guaranteed to slow the enemy down to allow your teammates time to respawn, so they can inflict more damage.

-More damage = slower players = opportunity to strike. At the worst with this strategy, you can try to merely outscore your opponents by round’s end by having more health. This is especially true on the 1st level of each campaign, where it’s generally easy to get all 4 survivors to the end. As always, discuss this with your teammates to see what you should attempt.

7. Survivors: Health issues

-The rounds scoring is based majorly on who SURVIVES, not just how much health you have. If  you reach the end of the map, and have only 1 person in the safe room while others are in dire need of help, remember that the score difference from ONE survivor and all of them dying at the end of the map is MINIMAL. Get your ass out there and help them!

-The score is based on your health, and is amplified by how many med kits you have, multiplied by the number alive. A wounded player with a med kit on-hand is worth more than a healthy player that does not. Therefore, using pain pills to reach a goal can make a huge score difference if the situation calls for it.

-Healing when you’re in the orange (40-70 health) is a complete waste, unless you have a replacement kit nearby. You’re health never maxes back out when you heal, and can be as little as 1 health point if you feel like pissing off your teammates. (Never a good idea, noob!) One possible exception to this rule is when a tank is approaching, to allow you to outrun him better. It’s all in this pamphlet.

8. Infected: Gravity rocks

-Both the Hunter and Smoker can use gravity to really disrupt the other team. If you can land a jump from high above ground, additional damage is applied to a pounce. The only downfall is that it’s really hard to pull off normally. A smoker can pull players off small falls to cause additional damage in certain locations. If the player can fall on their own to damage themselves, you can pull them to cause that same damage. Find these spots! (A perfect newbie spot is on Dead Air’s 2nd stage, pulling players off the fire escape. If they’re pulled at the right time, you can incap them instantly. )

-Any spot that a player can accidentally slip and “hang”, requiring a teammates’ hand, and also be pulled to said edge. A pounce or Boom that stuns nearby players can also cause a slip, but that’s very difficult to do on purpose.

9. Survivors: Use other weapons

Each weapon truly has it’s place in L4D, and there are more guns than just the shotgun and auto shotgun. Here’s why:

-Pistols: Weak until you double them up, they are a good substitute for reloading when hunters are pouncing on your friend. If you’re on shotgun duty, crouching and firing on distant Smokers can eliminate them quickly.

-Pump Shotgun: Use this when you are dealing with stages that have a long tread toward ammo. While it’s great for standard zombies, it’s very, very weak at freeing up pounced teammates.

-SMG: Excellent at distant enemies until you can upgrade, and it’s the best bet against a tank versus the shotgun. You WILL run out of ammo quickly with this though, so make sure you know where the next ammo dump is located. Sometimes, it’s best to just stick with the shottie.

-Combat Shotgun: Everyone’s initial favorite, the auto shottie is superb at clearing an entire room of zombies within a few shots. It’s range is good as well, and your ammo doesn’t run out for the most part. Also, it’ s the weapon of choice on crowning a Witch. Why NOT use the shotgun then? 2 reasons: The reloading of this gun is very disruptive, and it’s ineffective against the tank.

-Assault Rifle: When CROUCHED, this gun can annihilate special infected within a few rounds from it’s magazine, from across the map. It’s moderate at clearing a room of zombies, and is effective against the tank. It’s a choice that you can always be comfortable with if you don’t know what to grab. Why NOT use this? ONE reason: The ammo runs out FAST with this guy. If you don’t pay attention, you’ll be practicing your pistol work, or spectating.

-Hunting Rifle: Everyone laughs at players using this, while not paying attention to how helpful they are when they’re using it. If a line of zombies are approaching from a distance, 5 rounds from this will clear anything in it’s path. It’s a terrible weapon up close, but a supurb choice for killing at a distance. Scoping heads on smokers make for 1 shot kills, and as mentioned, is the weapon of choice against a tank. Why NOT use this? You’re a chicken. No, seriously, one or 2 players at most should be using this in case things get out of hand, but one player should for sure be using it.

10. Infected: Use the Tank

-The make-or-break point of each map when 2 good teams match up often come down to how the tank behaves, or how the other team decides to plan on it’s attack. After the latest patch, the tank in versus is extremely deadly. His attack can hit multiple players, so the “sit in the same corner and unload” technique no longer applies. The number one weapon to use on a tank is the molotov cocktail, and often NEEDS to land on the tank for the survivors to even have a chance if they don’t have “good” weapons; his health has been greatly extended, so many techniques need to apply on top of special infected attacking all at once.

-As you most likely know, waiting too long to attack surrenders your turn as the tank. What you might NOT know, is that since the patch, you need to hit a player directly to reset the “aggression meter”.

-If you pay attention to the health bar as the infected, you can see who has Molotov’s on hand, or what canisters they plan on lighting when you make your entrance. DO NOT fall for these tricks. If you need to surrender your turn to the next player by waiting out a fire, do so. If you don’t become lit up, your chances of killing the whole team are most likely quadrupled. Really.

-If you and the next player both surrender your turn, however, the computer takes over. This is usually a bad thing, since the computer is easily manipulated and is completely out of your control.

11. Survivors: Use your head (or ears, for that matter)

-The biggest, most obvious cue of impending attack is the audio cues for each enemy. Take note, when you’re the infected the different sound from simple movement, to when you actually spot the enemy. This sound (for example, the Hunter’s squeal) is YOUR indication that they are not just sitting around a corner, but getting ready to pounce, puke, or both. Yummy.

12. Infected: WAIT to spawn

-Probably the biggest tip for the infected team; spawning is easier to do than some players seem to make it. You’re allowed to be very close to the other team, so long as almost any object is in the way. Even a tree, if you crouch and line yourself up right, will allow you to spawn right next to your prey.

-Knowing this, and knowing the tip above, it’s important in many situations to wait to spawn, so the enemy has no idea where you plan on attacking. If your strategy as a smoker is to wait around a corner and pull a guy off a ledge, don’t give him that idea by spawning 30 seconds earlier and coughing up phlegm the whole time! Wait until he’s just about there, spawn, and eat.

That’s all for now, I hope this clears up some foggy issues for some players, and hope to see you all online soon! Just remember, don’t get infected!

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