Thank God for the dozen games that have kept me occupied these last 2 years so I could forget that this game was even coming out. Thank God also, for the thousands of assholes who think that there are racist undertones in this game, considering the game is set in Africa. Thank God most of all, that I don’t rant for a whole 3 paragraphs for once, since this game really does kick ass. Read on about why you should already have bought this game.

Racist.

Alright, let’s get started:

Yes, this game really does look this good in motion. If you didn’t download the demo and realize that this game is the best looking game in history, do it now. You’ll at least show off your system’s prowess. I don’t own an HDTV, and I can still make out individual muscles and shirt wrinkles on every character on-screen. If you’re looking closely in some scenes, people’s tongues are moving and visible when speaking certain phrases.  It’s something to behold, even when you’re ultra-jaded like me. But I’ve played a hundred games that look great but suck balls otherwise; Tomb Raider: Underworld being one of them. Thankfully, this game is as fun to play as it is to look at.

But first, the plot:

Resident Evil 5 takes off after the events in 4, and ties together everything that’s happened up to this point. There is a shitfuckton of plot to absorb if you’re into the plot, and I admit, is a little overdone by now. But since the series must continue, so does the grandiose plans of “X” villain of this chapter of Resident Evil. You play as Chis Redfield once again, making his (If I remember right) 3rd official appearance (RE1, RE: Code Veronica and now).  You may also choose to play as his new partner Sheva, a little hottie with unknown ethnic origin. (Her accent changes every time she talks.)

You’re sent on a mission to assist Alpha Squad in apprehending… Blah blah zombies OMG. I won’t bore you with the details, but the game does draw you in, despite my only glaring gripe, the game’s dialog.

After some soul searching, I believe the game’s cookie cutter dialog is intentional, to keep the feeling of old school Resident Evil close by. No one who’s beaten the very 1st game can forget the awful lines delivered by Japanese actors. “You, the ‘Master Of Unlocking’ take it with you”. If these generic lines were replaced by “A” grade actors a little piece of history might be lost. Some lines will make you laugh, others cringe. Badly.

The other cringe factor is the controls, which are only a slight improvement from RE 4′s. Depending on the settings (default, or “D” is best), some slight strafing is allowed at the cost of not being able to look around you. No matter what the setting, you’ll never be able to control Chris or Sheva as much as you would like, but that’s the point.

Capcom has stated for years that the stiff control style is intentional at this point, to keep the game suspensful. After playing the last 2 Silent Hill games (both allowing “3d” control), I couldn’t agree more. What REALLY makes this game suspensful, among other factors, is the yet-again revamped inventory system.

No longer, after a million RE games, are you pausing the game to heal, switch weapons or look at the map. Everything is done in real time, even if you’re getting an axe to the head. Gone are the crate system, the attache-rearrange system or the god-awful-drop-your-item-and-retrieve-it-later system from RE: Zero. You’re allowed 9 item slots per person, with the ability to exchange items on-the-fly. You can assign ammo, guns or healing items to respective hotkeys so lessen the time needed to blow off zombie’s heads when you’re in a pinch.

If you die, between levels and when you begin anew, you can manage your inventory and place your unwanted items in your “master inventory”. Think of it as the old case of the first games.  You’re never really in a spot where you’ll get truly stuck, since at any point you can take your inventory back to earlier levels, or to another player’s game. Even if you’re in a spot where you simply cannot proceed, you can always redo an earlier level and re-stock on ammo and jewelry to make the journey easier.

"Wesker? Jill? What happened to Jill and Wesker??"

Another change in this game is the layout itself. Gone are the retracing of steps, finding keys to doors from 20 minutes of backtracking or other lame ways to extend the playtime of this game. You simply proceed from one area to the next, chapter to chapter. It’s somewhat disappointing in a way, if you’re really into the older style of play, but it simply never bothered me due to the game’s fun factor.

Every area of this game (with the exception of one) never felt repetitive or re-done. The game presents a new challenge around every corner, and never gets boring. People that like to explore and find hidden stuff will find tons of goodies to sell for weapon upgrades. The bosses, and there are quite a few, are fun and intense to fight. Some require quick gunplay, others require some thought to kill. All of these bosses are beatable on the 1st attempt if you’re quick enough to catch on to little details the developers throw at you to help you out.

The cut-scenes are as cool as ever, with the sudden “danger” sections returning from 4. Every game that’s had these scenarios pop up since the previous game has screwed up this cool concept, and hopefully these guys  pay attention to basic things that this game does correctly. Pay attention to this:

1. The button you press to not die, isn’t the same button every time. Wow, genius!

2. You can skip the scene right up to each button press. Wow, who could have thought of that!

Ha. I still thew a rant in there. I knew I could do it!

The A.I of the swarms of enemies that plague your screen are decent, until you try playing the game on Hard. Then they become assholes that do everything possible to kill you, and in the most effective way, on top of dying in 3 hits. Suffice to say, this game has plenty of challenge for those who seek it.

Unfortunately, some of that challenge is making sure your computer controlled buddy stays alive, or doesn’t use up all your ammo, or gets out of some really obvious danger. The key to keeping your ammo supply intact is weapon management, and your 2 basic orders: Attack and Cover. On cover, your buddy will stick by you, firing only when necessary. Ordering them to “attack” will make them much more aggressive, but also seek out barrels and fetch you items as well. Despite only occasional hiccups with the A.I, I remain impressed by it, considering the games complexity. Besides, it’s just easier to have a real friend help out anyway.

The Co-Op is easily the best element of this game. Offline or online, having a friend help you out of a jam or ten makes this game stand out for what the game’s premise really is: 2 Partners, back to back fending off zombies. It’s fun as hell, and very well done. I thought Gears 2 had the best Co-Op campaign of this nature until this game came out. Now I wanna smack those 2 ‘roid-abusing assholes around for all the teleportations I did when my friend walked too far forward.

There are more polygons in that megaphone than RE1's entire cast.

Really, there’s too much fun in this game to explain in detail. This game deserves GOTY by years end, so we should not forget how amazing it is by then. It’s one of the most polished game’s I’ve played in a long, long time… Perhaps since the last Resident Evil game.

Hi Rez: The graphics, sounds, guns, zombies, replay value, co-op, fun factor

Lo Rez: The dialog, learning curve on the controls can be steep for RE ametuers

Verdict: You mean you haven’t bought this game yet? Gah!

Related posts:

• Resident Evil 5′s Versus Mode Controversy, Packaged and DistilledI don’t generally hide the fact that I love Game|Life, Wired’s gaming offshoot blog. And again, they do a fantastic...
• Resident Evil: Degeneration Lands on iPhoneWhat is with all of the “out of nowhere” iPhone releases? I guess it’s related to Apple’s arcane approval process....
• Trevvie’s Review: F.E.A.R. 2: Project OriginHoo boy. I’ve been somewhat excited to play this game since I plugged it a while back, with the nice,...
• Review: Alan Wake (Xbox 360)Games who gain a modicum of notoriety for being oft-delayed or long in development rarely turn out well. You only...
• Review: Shadow ComplexI’ll admit to being out of the loop when it comes to news and previews of this game, so I...